Geronimo!

The kids are jumping from one bed to another.
"Row, row, row your boat. Get me down the stream," Meimei sings.
"Say Geronimo, TJ," Jiejie calls, taking a leap from the dresser onto the twin mattress -- TJ's sleeping spot -- on  the master bedroom floor."
"Geronimo!" TJ says, a little uncertainly.
Such is life when school is out and Daddy is away. Summer is drawing to a close. It's not as hot as it was, and today the kids went to the playground instead of the pool. Their school playground, that is. The only problem is, someone didn't want to play.
That would be TJ.
He avoided the playground entirely and instead sat with Haley and watched the ducks.
The perceptive Haley, who has observed TJ from day to day at the swimming pool and playground realized that every time a classmate greeted TJ, he shied away and pretended not to  know the child. Today, he stayed away from the play area where Jiejie and Meimei were running and climbing with Jackie, our new au pair. He extracted a promise that tomorrow the destination would be a different playground.
It has taken us more than seven months to understand, although we had a few clues earlier, what Haley summed up today. Sometimes, outside the home, perhaps a bit surprisingly, TJ does NOT like to be the center of attention. In fact he loathes it and wants to stay in the car or leave early or do anything but stay in a situation like that. Maybe that's why he hates birthday parties? It could be one reason why he doesn't like school, but that issue is a lot more complex and probably tied up with achievement issues and his allergy to anything remotely academic. Maybe because it's difficult to learn to read in another language? Maybe because there is some disconnect between what he sees and what he hears? Maybe because of the lack of real schooling before, or the association of teachers with punishment?
A few pieces are beginning to fall into place as we continue occupational therapy (and continue the fight with the insurance company to cover our work with therapists certified in the areas the kids need.) And a few more by personal observation. And even more with input from Haley, who seems to be a natural at teasing out social and developmental issues.
With her help we are beginning to see that the rigidly scheduled orphanage potty time that forces kids to deny what their bodies are telling them to do can lead to  health issues later.
Waiting so long to bring TJ home was nerve-wracking, but waiting to discover all the secrets his past holds and how he has been harmed and hampered by that past is hard to bear. We can't help repair the physical, emotional and neurological effects of years of neglect until we can grasp what they are.

Waiting for Mom (to Post)

To say that life is hectic would be a gross understatement.
On the other hand, it's not bad.
Meimei had a root canal today. She was a brave girl. Mom left for work. Everyone got dollar-store prizes afterward, but Meimei got more. Some unnamed siblings were suggesting  that perhaps an Xbox 360 would be in order instead. In fact, they are suggesting it about every five minutes.

Waiting for TJ: Down on the Farm

Waiting for TJ: Down on the Farm

Down on the Farm

 

Feeding the farm animals after berry-picking.

The summer has been racing by since TJ recovered from his tonsillectomy. The kids each seem to have grown about five inches and perhaps a shoe size in the last few weeks. They are going to the town pool every day, and their swimming skills are improving rapidly. TJ, who had never been in a pool until April went from fearful to explorer of the deep in his goggles and floaties. He has even started taking off his T-shirt at the pool. He thought the girls were kidding when they told him boys did not have to cover their -- well, TJ calls them boobas, as in the song he was singing tonight, "For Christmas I want boobas!" I told himt to be careful what he wished for. TJ managed to close down the pool early when he drank a little pool water and lost a bit of his lunch while coughing up the water. He had had a big day already before the pool. We had along visit with an occupational therapist who was evaluating him for a cluster of postinstitutional issues. He has a few neurodevelopmental areas that will need therapy, but it took two evaluation sessions to get him to fully take part. By the end of his second visit to the sensory gym, he was having a blast.  The real fun will come when we battle the insurance company, which seems to think all OTs are the same. Afterward we had some rare alone time together at the public library. We got TJ his library card, late in the game, I know, but a parent is required to accompany the child, and these parents seem to have been leaving the library visits to the babysitters. TJ was so proud of his card. He chose some books and DVDs, learned how to use the automated checkout, and then settled down at the library cafe with me for some lemonade and a little reading: "Clifford the Big Red Phonics Dog," or something to that effect. After the third book he pronounced them "too easy," but he carried all the books out reverently when we left. Tonight he said he wants to go back tomorrow. Tonight we also had a few battles over who grabbed a pair of sunglasses that don't belong to anyone in particular, a fight over TV (Jiejie wantedvthe insufferable "Fred"; Meimei wanted the same "Pink Panther" episode over and over; TJ decided to forgo the Hulk and Iron Man for Pingu) and a show of inappropriate language from the two 8-year-olds. Repeated inappropriate language. Inappropriate language repeated after Mom said to stop. Four times. It was hard not to laugh. All the kids were in their pajamas. Jiejie was wearing a candy-apple red dress-up wig with play high heels; TJ was wearing a golden crown and Meimei had play eye shadow in green and blue circling her eyelids. Finally, they stopped when they realized they had cut into their TV time, but Jiejie has been challenging Mom a lot lately, arguing every point and deliberately disobeying. I suppose this is the budding of her adolescent rebellion, her Elektra complex rearing its head, the beginning of years of emotional ping pong with my heart as she moves toward independence. Yikes! One minute we are working on sleep plans to get everyone sleeping in their own room all night, and the next we'll be waiting at the window for them to come home from nights out. The old joke in the "helpful Chinese phrases for adoptive parents" comes to mind: "You can date when you're 35."